After married for over 30 years then yr husband died in a sudden, children hv their own life,what you do ...?My husband died almost in a sudden 2 yrs ago, he had heart attacked which neither him, I or any of our children (3 boys) knew that he had heart problem. Our 2 boys live over seas w/ own faml only the youngest stay near by married 1 yr ago. I feel that I hv to drag my life day by days, I feel that I lost my vision of life. He's the boss in the faml, very nice and full with care; we always discussed things together, our own decision always "our" decision.
Does any body have the same problem here? How do you overcome yr own mind and feelings?
I'm glad that I still hv my parents whom I can care for as they live close by , but it is not the same; sister & brother are overseas too. Friends this days are busy w/ their grand children and some w/ their pain here and there.
In 3 .5 months Im going to be busy as my youngest is expecting a baby born, but since 2 months ago I am feeling hopeless and no life. Any body can help. Tx
I did go to a Hypnotherapist during my first 2 months after Bill passed, it helps but I dont know.
Carl B. you right. I like your answer.
Jon, I dont know how to get yr link.
I am glad I put this question, I have not cried for about a year now, today I do, I am happy to able to. I really feel lonely, dont know what to decide abt my life except not to get married again. I dont want to loose someone I share my life twice. Once is more than enough.
JD. I appreciate wt you say too, I am glad he went quick, we went to dentist &hairdresser together the day be4 he passed, we were happy. He was not suffer. But left me feeling like in a dream tho.
Well, I think I hv to be strong, I cant change this reality, I cant make him back, my time w him together is over. It is nice to live with love, but goodness it is hard to loose it. Thanks a lot friends.
Posted by redhawgs
I am sorry for your loss. I wish I had the perfect words to make it all better. My neighbour and friend of 15 years recently lost her husband at 45 years young. It is a terrible, difficult situation to endure. Try and focus on the new life that will soon here for you to love and care for.
Posted by carl b
You are one of many people in the same situation. After the many years of marriage to see it torn apart like that, one has to wonder what life there is outside the companionship of marriage. Well all I can really say is you need to keep busy, explore, find new things to occupy your time. Do not resign yourself to the fact that there is nothing left because the best thing in your life has passed on. It's hard to accept that change and is even more difficult with age, but you can do it. Just keep your chin up sweety. You have my support.
Posted by jon
If you want so called learned peoples views go to a counsellor or a doctor but I would not . I have seen too many screw up people even worse --
I got help from Dr. Jesus
--see some of my answers then browse (search) for other answers from others
use key words such as --lonely --widow(ed) -purpose in life -depressed--all in the Spiritual section
Hope this helps
Be Blessed --and turn on your radio to my links --they have helped millions
Jon
Posted by YD
If there is one certainty in life it is Death. But all of us fear it.. We are able to console the others and share their grief when death strikes other families. But when it knocks at our door we are unable to accept it or cope with it. . That is human psychology. You love and miss your husband so much because he was taken away suddenly. if he would have died 20 years later would you still miss him? you would .. at all times. But you know he or you or I would all go one day.
Suppose for the sake of argument , I say that you had husband had fallen severely sick and he becomes totally dependent on you , day after day. In his misery he would have loved to die. But , look at what would have happened to you who loves him so much.
I know of many many case where the continued suffering of the husband diluted , slowly, the love the wife had for the husband and a stage came she was happy to see him off. Now , the wife does not suffer the pain of his loss. Would you want that/ NO.
You still preserve the beautiful love and relationship you had for 30 years and that will carry through your life. You will effuse that love through your children and grandchildren. If they are not around you will love the world at large.
May I request you one thing? As you try to find another attachment , with your people please donot bring to the fore the past nice relationship you had with your husband. That is close to your heart . Let the others feel that you have merged with them and you love them as much . You are capable of that. They should not get the feeling that they can never ever fill your void. Then you will be the loser. Please.
Posted by dasupr
Sorry for your loss. My suggestion, if you haven't already, would be to join a support group of people who have experienced this kind of loss themselves. They are the ones who will understand what you are going through. There is always counseling too. I think you need to finish the stages of grieving for your husband and perhaps you need help to do that. It sounds like you are living to be a caretaker of parents, grandchildren etc. I hope by working through your grief with people who care, you will want a life for yourself as well as being a member of your family. You never get over or forget the person who is gone, but you are a person too, and entitled to live the rest of your life for you. In fact, don't waste it because it's precious. When you come back to feeling that preciousness, you'll be ready to decide what you want to do with the rest of your life.
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