I'm moving in with someone that I care about deeply... I'd really like some advice.?(I'm going to give some back story, which I believe there is a point to. Also, the character limit cut me out, so I had to put some in the "Additional details" section.)
I am currently an 18 year old male with high ambitions, and little motivation. Around two years ago, I moved to my current city. When I first moved here, I was a very different person from which I am today. I hated everything, and was just all around an angry person. I moved constantly, and literally lacked any kind of social skills. I ignored the reality around me, and created my own inside my mind, and chose to happily live there alone. Any time that I would see a girl fit for me to have a crush on, I literally created a relationship in my mind. I could know nothing about this girl, but my fantasies of them were very in depth, very constant, and I felt as if I knew this person very closely.
The first time I saw the girl in which this very question is about, I'll refer to her as "Alyssa", I thought nothing much of it. She was just another pretty girl, I've seen plenty of those. She didn't show much emotion, and was very quiet.
After I had been going to school for around two weeks, I started talking to some guy that sat behind her. We actually started conversing, and had some things in common, such as liking older music. I do not remember if it was him or I, but one of us had made Alyssa laugh... This is one of the most memorable points in my life... I literally got tunnel vision, and had indescribable feelings toward that smile. It really was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. It only lasted a few seconds, but I had to see it again.
That year went by, me never really talking to her. It was obvious that I really liked her, I would actually tell other people, and now I know word had actually gotten to her. To my understanding, I had creeped her out that year, which I think is understandable for her, given the circumstances of me not actually ever talking to her. :p That year, I actually made friends. I started listening to a band that really helped me appreciate life, and I had a very persistent friend that wouldn't give up on me. I changed for the better that year, and actually like myself as a person. Before this transition though, I had those same obsessive thoughts about Alyssa... I'm still not sure to this day whether it was because I still had not changed into the person that I am today, or if it was the smile... One thing is damn sure though, I still cannot get her off of my mind.
During the beginning of my senior year, I was mostly over any anxiety issues about people, I still had a few quirks, such as getting nervous around big groups, etc. I did not have any classes with Alyssa this year, but still glanced at her every once in a while when I would see her in the halls. I actually sat at a lunch table with her a few times because of a few mutual friends, but I tired my best not to look at her, or initiate conversation, because I had felt strange knowing I had creeped her out the year before. I even had another girlfriend that year, and Alyssa was taken completely off my mind. This relationship went to hell pretty quickly though, and It ended around new years eve... Life has a funny way of working out sometimes... It was during my New Years party that I met one of the best friends I'd ever have, to this day anyway... She was invited by a mutual friend, and yes, she was Alyssa.
To start, we would always hang out with the same group. It was some of the best times I can recall. I've of course still had feelings for her throughout the duration of our friendship. I'm just going to state right now that it is evident that she does not share those same feelings for me. I've stayed friends with her until this day, and it's hurt knowing that, especially when she started dating my cousin. I did not want to stop being her friend however, because I really do appreciate her friendship. I am legitly happy that I get to be blessed even knowing her.
Now, as for the actual question... It has been set into stone that she has to move within the next few weeks. I believe she cannot support herself financially. We've talked about it, and we have decided that I would be her roommate, helping her pay the bills, etc.
I'm really not sure if this is a good idea... As much as I care for her, I'm just not sure. I've tried convincing myself a countless amount of times that "Yes, I do care for her, and I always probably will deep down, but I am doing this because I am her friend." but, these thoughts still linger that I may be doing this because I have hope that something could work out.
I don't want to do this because of any kind of false hope, I generally want to be a good friend. Unfortunately, we've been hanging out much less, and talking less before this happened... It's life, being adults, out of school, work... Growing up, it happens. :/ I just don't want to use this opportunity thinking I can benefit from it. I don't have a car right now, and I'll have to pretty much spend all my savings on the rent deposit, and first month of moving in... Who knows how long it will actually be before I can get my hands on a vehicle, and license for that matter.
There is also a part of me that always wants to think she could like me a little deep down also... The thought of moving in with her has been slightly terrifying me also because I won't be able to live in any kind of fantasy world with her. I know this is most likely for the best, but... I care for her so much it's ridiculous... If I ever let go of that little chance, I'd be heartbroken for life...
I do my best to be
to be a good friend, and if I do move in, I want to do it under the circumstances of me being nothing more than a friend... I just... I don't know, I really wanted to vent this out, and really appreciate anyone taking the time to read it... It's hard to believe all of this can start from one smile...
Posted by ali15
if you think anyone is honestly going to read all of this then your an idiot and no one should have to put up living with you
Posted by TheBald
i read all you said man. it's hard sometimes when you see a pretty girl and like her, to get her out of your mind whenever you want. i met a nice girl last night through a mutual friend, we had a very small chat and when i left she said 'i'll see you then, sometime? i don't know?' so i thought hmm maybe she's interested. Already i think about what it would be like if she was my girlfriend etc etc so i guess i'm not so different from you in creating ideas in my head over small things.
i think you have to spend more alone time with this girl to actually answer your own question, i don't think anyone here can really help you, since your feelings are based on very few details. if you spend more time with the girl, you can work out a little bit if she has feelings for you (or ever will have) and whether or not you could live with her without any problems coming from it.
contact her in some way in a friendly manner, make a joke about 'how could i live with YOU!?' or something, test the water see how she reacts.
if you could genuinely be comfortable living with her when she is not interested in you romantically, then sure why not. if you can live with her bringing boyfriends around and all that kind of heartbreaking stuff that sometimes happens when you like a girl, then go for it. if you think deep down it would depress you, then it's best avoided.
i'm not sure if i've answered your question, but hopefully i've helped in some small way.
greetings from scotland
thebald
Orignal From: Vision Care: I'm moving in with someone that I care about deeply... I'd really like some advice.?
Post a Comment