What do you think of this book snip I wrote? Its long, but I would love some help!?Hello! And thank you for reading! The beginning is shakey, but please help me with making it better if possible! I would love some help! You don't need to be too nice (or too harsh) just some simple, real constructive critism would help. This isn't the beginning of the book, so if you are confused, try to roll with it. Thank you! OH AND FEEL FREE TO ONLY READ BITS AND PIECES! DONT FEEL OBLIGATED TO READ EVERTHING. I WOULD LOVE IF YOU DID. Just don't stop at the very beginning, it kind of stinks. I'll admit.
Ten years of soulless isolation, ten years of having no family, ten years of searching for the stranger I barely thought I knew, ten years of surprise, of wonder and of terror. Ten years of change, ten years of sand, ten years of sun and ten years of boredom. Ten years…
It had been ten years give or take a few odd days or months, since I had crashed onto this empty island that was now my home. Except for, in reality, it wasn't really empty, just lifeless, passionless, dead, in context.
A terrible plague had struck the island.
Death had always been inevitable, but never this near, this tangible.
I was lucky to be alive.
Marie was missing, still a stranger to me.
Ten years…
I knew she was well-off in one of the civilizations that conquered the land I lived in, whether she was a Makahn or a Yuban I didn't care, she was probably better off without me anyway.
Ever since sickness had swept through every family and town, no one really loved anymore. If death was so close, so certain, why would anyone bother to put so much passion and love into a lost cause?
Even if there had been a reason, no one here would care, let alone act upon their reasoning.
My mind took an unexpected turn into thoughts I barely ever allowed myself to remember. A distant flashback of Marie shielded my vision.
I coughed, shattering the illusion.
I could still remember that day in the forest, my relief, my joy, my excitement… Marie was alive, she was breathing, and she could stay with me until we found a way out of this ferocious isle, back into the real world. My liberation was like an etching into my heart, irreplaceable. I remembered looking into her eyes, knowing that I wasn't really alone anymore, that if nothing, I had a stranger to accompany me through the upcoming months of near isolation.
And then, so suddenly, heartbreak.
Goodbye? What did goodbye mean, what was she saying, what was she telling me? To give up? To forget my cause, to never think of her again?
And then she was gone.
It wasn't really that I would never see her again that hurt so bad, it was more the leaking anxiety that I was alone, and that I would never feel joy like I just had ever again.
And I had been right.
I had spent ten years, ten years, sitting alone, quietly, subtly going insane, waiting for an angel to take my life, or a rescuer to take me off of this dreaded island.
It was the worst punishment in the world, to sit in soulless isolation, waiting for something, anything to relieve you from your misery, and nothing ever coming.
Over the course of what I imagined would be the last leg of my life, I grew distant from every person I had ever loved. I was now sixty-seven years old, an old man, nearing his seventies, who had never met his grandchildren, never visited his children, never celebrated his fiftieth anniversary, never smiled, never joked, never worried about his future… just sat and hoped that one day I would hate myself just one tenth of a degree less.
Colette was the only person I truly missed, the only person I really, honestly, and quite brutally could not forget about, the one person who had engraved their name into my heart, the one person I still loved.
Renee, and Scarlett, and Rhys and Isaac and Spencer, my children, were all forgotten memories of my past life. I seldom thought about them, only because I figured their lives were much better off without me.
I still wondered where their lives had taken them, who was married, who had divorced, who had had children, who had gotten promoted, who had moved, who had traveled, who had graduated, who had fallen in love… I wondered sometimes in the deepest depths of my dreams, but I accepted long ago that I would never know.
They were all old now, Rhys nearing 30, now twenty-eight, Isaac one month away from turning 35, Scarlet almost over the hill, Spencer even closer to 40 at age thirty-nine, and Renee, my eldest, forty-two. It seemed like an eternity ago that I had looked into Renee's swollen eyes, and now I knew I never could again.
"Red?" A voice chirped.
"Who is it?" My voice was rough, cracked to the point of being unable to recognize.
"Marie." A familiar voice, figures.
I couldn't say I was really surprised to hear from her. Every three or four months she would stop bye, give me her regrets, offer me a stay at her cabin, pretend to grieve when I declined her offer and then leave. It was a pretty routine skit we practiced, and I was growi
Posted by Rocklady
Wow it is amazing you have really captured the way the character feels and projected it onto the island.
Only one thing i would change.
Instead of saying there is a sickness try and let us think there is one without actually mentioning it, does that make sense?
Really Really good finish it and send it to me cos it is amazing
Hope This Helps x
Posted by Rebecca P
I think it is very good and the beginning isn't shaky at all, I really like the way it is heading and I felt for Red. It is amazing and I love it, keep it up!
Rebecca :)
Posted by AgeofAquarius31
Same thing I told someone else: paragraphs!
Orignal From: Vision Care: What do you think of this book snip I wrote? Its long, but I would love some help!?
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