I'm writing a book...?I'm writing a book about a girl (stacey) who gets a head injury in soccer. she wakes up and everything is finally going her way. the guy (asher) she likes finally likes her back, the girl who was always really nasty to her (lydia) wanted to be her best friend, and shes an amazing soccer player. its her dream land. we later find out in the book that she'd been in a coma all that time. what do you think of the beginning?
The fireworks were finally coming to an end. I could feel Asher's powerful glare on my lips. I turned my entire body to face his. My insides were shaking as they filled with butterflies. I payed no mind to several obnoxious children in front of us shouting about the loud booming of the finale.
Asher shut his eyes and leaned in. I did the same, my heart racing, and pursed my lips. Time seemed to be moving in slow motion.
"Stacey," whispered a voice behind me.
I fought off the urge to turn around and see who it was and what they could possibly want at this moment.
"Stacey," it repeated, a little louder than before.
I didn't care about the voice the second time. Asher's lips were inches from mine, something I'd wanted for the past three years.
"Stacey June Winchcombe!"
Everything was a blur as the last few precious moments of my dream faded away into nothingness.
I opened my eyes to the sight of a tan colored figure. I was alarmed when my vision adjusted to the light. My best friend, Brielle was staring at me.
"What could you possibly want?" I asked, irritated that she'd ruined my heavenly dream.
"We're here, Stace."
"Where? What are you talking about?" I blinked a few times and looked around. I soon realized I was still in Lydia's black SUV and that I'd been sleeping in for two hours.
"You know, the soccer tournament?" she said. I could tell by her tone she was questioning my sanity. We'd been looking forward to this tournament for three months. The first game started in an hour and a half. "Come on, let's go."
Brielle pulled my soccer bag from under the seat and dropped it on my lap. "We play Northern, first. Big game." She stumbled over my legs and hopped out the door to catch up with some of our other teammates who had also just pulled into the parking lot.
I was still partially sleeping. I didn't want to pull myself away from the amazing dream. My thoughts about Asher were becoming so deep, I didn't even realize the car was still running and Lydia was impatiently waiting for me to get out so she could park.
"Stacey. Get out of my car." Her harsh tone frightened me. I didn't know Lydia that well. I didn't know much about her. But what I did know is that she had a reputation for having a short temper, and I surely did not want to involve myself in that.
Posted by Smartical
It's good. Cool plot.
Check out mine- http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090823112601AAZT78X
Posted by jl
Maybe switch back and forth between her living in her dream world and people in the real world trying to wake her up. Otherwise you have no real conflict.
What you have written sounds either like the end of the book or if it's a preview, you're giving away the ending.
Posted by cathrl69
To be honest, it sounds like a short story. I really can't see that being enough plot for more than about 5000 words.
Posted by holly (:
it's a really good plot, but you should do what someone suggested up there by switching to the coma dream to real life and the nurses monitoring her, but try not to give it away she is in a coma and write it really generally.
keep it up!
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