Rap & Hip Hop: A classic Morbid Thought verse... rate/hate it...?Exorcist exorcise my exodus
While my exit is a recitation of Exodus,
I met a wish of Pestilence, hexes in my death of bliss
Cuts set a wrist, blood I've bleed amidst, I'll rest a kiss
Upon your caressing lips, a message slipped in a mesosphere
Disappear, with everything I'm wishing were candor
I'm sitting here, displaying lies and visions of glamour
Disobeying eyes with pictures of grandeur
And my answer… is switching like melodies up from dancers
While skeletons feast upon cancer, beast just love slandor
Speak from their masters, as they've sneaked in peak in the land for
Your screams conquer Babylon, I travel on, and sail with Charon
As I await for my destination of hell with cares lost
They're gone… with my soul, heart, and mind
If I could begin again it'll be a cold start to find
Your life's a part of mind, stay away with your sick pities
Or I'll travel time and write a life so tragic it'll capture Euripides
Posted by Big Boi
9/10
Dope verse. Especially when you compare it to most of the other verses on this site. I really can't compare it to your old stuff because I haven't seen much of it, so I don't know if this is good or bad for you lol.
Posted by Mitch!
It makes me think morbidly!
Posted by Azi Haka
I thought that one you wrote about death was better actually.
Posted by NexxJordan
Dude, listen to me. Spend a little time proofreading before you post. Your verses aren't making sense because you're structuring them very poorly. Your grammar totally killed any chances I might have had of understanding this. For instance, in:
"Exorcist exorcise my exodus
While my exit is a recitation of Exodus"
you can't use the word "while" like that. It doesn't make sense. While is used between two phrases that each contain a verb. The two verbs in those lines are "exorcise" and "is". And you're talking in first person to the exorcist. So in other words, you're saying to the exorcist, "Exorcise while my exit is a recitation of Exodus". Which makes no sense. It's like saying "Look at my hair while my hair is red". You need the word "still" in there for it to make sense grammatically. And if you put it in there, that implies that at a certain point, things will change. That in time, your exit will no longer be a recitation of Exodus. Which isn't true. Your exit IS and ALWAYS WILL BE a recitation of Exodus. Nothing's changing, so you don't need the word "while". It's just a grammatical error which ruins the story because the reader can't make sense of the line.
And that might not seem like a big deal, but they're ALL over this verse, and a lot of your previous verses as well. You're in High School level English, so I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. Your grammar mistakes make this impossible to understand. I can't rate it without understanding it. Proofread it. And I think you could learn a lot from making it a habit to ask people what they understood or took away from your verses instead of rating them.
Posted by Chaos Theory (In Love With Jean Grae)
Your screams conquer Babylon, I travel on, and sail with Charon
sick line, might have used Jericho but to each his own
i wasn't feeling the off beat rhyme scheme, when some of the bars didn't have a preceding rhyme, but, again, to each his own
enjoyed it, I've been wanting to see more of your literary prowess on here
do have to agree with Nexx though, even though its a rap, got to get the grammar brushed up
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