What do you think of this fanfiction? Twilight/HarryPotter crossover - Basically "review" it. Please :)?I've done this before and got some harsh criticsm I did not expect. But I'd like to try this again and criticsm would help, and so knock yourself out. Don't be tooooo harsh, I'm only 12 :) But don't let that stop you from reading this. If it does thennnnnnn I shouldn't have said that, hahaahaha...
"I'll miss you" I whispered to Harry, Ron, and Hermione as tears started to blur my vision, we embraced in a final hug.
"Bye" they waved to me tears streaking down Hermione's cheeks, I gulped realizing the same for me tasting the saltwater leak into my mouth.
I waved a last goodbye and strode off pulling my trunk and carrying my owl in her cage.
Luna, I named her after one of my friends back at Hogwarts. I sighed again towing my trunk beside me and coming to a halt giving Hogwarts Express a last glance. Then with a leap, I jumped through the wall of platform 9 and 3 quarters for what might be the last time.
Stepping through I breathed in the fresh smell of London and muggle merchandise.
I smiled sadly to Luna, "Were back" I whispered softly, she cooed back her eyes darting sharply along the muggle filled streets. I am now 17 and have to go back to public school in Forks, I dreaded the rainy, small, unfortunate town.
I mean you have to be unfortunate to have vampires and wolves running along your streets, I thought as I apparated to Forks. The uncomfortable feeling engulfed me once again, I felt the air being pushed out of my lungs and like I was being squished then in about a minute it was gone.
I was reminded of my free use of magic outside the "wizard world", I smiled widely and appraised my golden watch symbolizing my free use of magic.
I sighed happily until I felt the rain soak through my hair I looked up to see mist and fog blurring my view of where I was.
Right... I never apparated to Forks, it appeared to be dark where ever I was,
"Lumos", I whispered.
The tip of my wand released light and some of my surrroundings were dimly engulfed in it, I took a cautious step forward as the light coming from my wand uncovered more veils of darkness.
I pondered on where I could be considering I was surrounded by trees, I could be anywhere in Forks... maybe the forest, I decided.
I shrugged it off and trudged through the mud my robes gently swaying in the chill breeze, I breathed in the crisp air of pine and sap.
Chewing my lip out of habit a moving in a bush near by caught my attention, but it appeared to only be a doe I saw as it stepped through.
Well this seemed to be okay until it was attacked by... A vampire no doubt.
I choked back a scream as he drained the doe lifeless and let it fall limply to his feet, my eyes went back to their normal size as I took in this information. He's a good vampire...
Drinks from animals, not muggles... That's okay right? I knew I should be running away screaming but I wasn't a muggle, but a witch.
I met his eyes and brought my wand up to see him more clearly but just as quickly as he was here... gone.
But I swear I saw a lock of... bronze hair. I didn't care much for a harmless vampire or at least harmless to muggles, not the doe.
Sort of.
I shook my head trying to shake the image from my mind it was an animal nonetheless but still it was disturbing.
I sighed and pictured the- I mean my house with Charlie inside waiting for me, I felt the uncomfortable suffocating feeling as I was pulled through to his house, all the air extracting from my lungs.
Finally I was on the doorstep of his - or our house, I rapped on the aged oak door three times and soon heard the TV from I assume the family room turn off.
The door opened and my muggle father was revealed grinning ear to ear - yes I'm a Mudblood and proud of it too.
He embraced me in a big, but sort of awkward hug, I chuckled dropping my trunk but letting Luna in her cage hover in the air next to us.
"Bells, I missed you"
"I missed you too Char- dad" I admitted sheepishly we were both awkward with expressing emotions as you may see but that sort of made it easier between us, more comfortable in a way.
He opened the door, stepping aside as I grabbed my trunk and Luna walking in, it looked the same as it did the last time I was here - about 4 years ago... For a visit over the summer since I usually stayed at my mum - Renee's house over the summer.
"Well... Make yourself at home Bells" he said, I smiled and raced upstairs but fate having it in for me - I fell on the last step, I could here dad chortling from the couch and Luna squawked, fluttering around her cage, or trying at least.
I resisted the 5 year old urge to stick my tongue out, I apologized to Luna and continued down the hall to my room. Putting down my trunk to open my door.
I sighed it looked the same as always - my full size bed on one side with a side table accompanying its side, while a CD player sits on top purple colored walls, although they were faded.
My an
Posted by Laureen Anne
Your writing is very good for a 12 year old. However, what you really need is a beta. A beta is someone who is very familiar with the fandom and can help you not only with the grammar and mechanics but also with keeping true to the story. Try Checkmate.com for HP fanfiction.
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