Is this good or at-least okay?My prologue to my story I am currently writing. Is it good or at least okay?
Prologue
Sesto, Italy.
1876
Vladimir had ended up at an Inn on the side of the road in the pouring rain earlier that evening. He was heading to Florence but couldn't continue because of the unexpected storm. Once checked in and in his room he took a quick look around. In the corner was a small fireplace. He walked to the fireplace, found a box of matches on the mantle and with one quick swipe, lit it, sending the wood into flames. He sat in a chair close by and started to take off his wet coat when, in his peripheral vision, saw a figure at the other end of the room.
Vladimir chuckled without looking away from the fire. "Hello Isabel. It's…well, I was going to say it's pleasant to see you, but I would be lying." Vladimir said serenely, a little Italian accent he picked up, lingering on his words.
He proceeded to take his coat off. Once he got the thick material off, Vladimir threw it in the corner. He then turned to face her fully.
Isabel shot a warning look. She was irritated. "Ha. That's so funny."She responded, acid leaking in her tone.
Vladimir grinned.
"But that is not why I came to you little brother." She continued. "I've been told to tell you your next mortal that you have been assigned to protect."
This Vladimir had expected. The last mortal he had to protect was about 200 years ago. She was eight and died of illness. He grimaced. "What's her name? Or what will be her name?" He murmured.
Isabel crossed the room and put a hand on his wet shoulder. She looked in his eyes and refused to speak until he returned her gaze. "Her name will be Hannah Patterson." Isabel told him.
"She will be eighteen when you start to watch." She continued. "Her parents will have home schooled her up to her senior year of High School. She will live in Middleton, Wisconsin and will be the daughter of the local town pastor." She explained.
Vladimir took a moment to process this information. She will be the daughter of the local pastor? That made his lips twitch into an almost smile.
"Take good care of this one, Vladimir." She told him, interrupting his thoughts. "He has big plans for her."
Vladimir started to wonder. "What plans?" He challenged.
Isabel then gave a shake of her head and put a thumb to her temple, rubbing it gently. "Vladimir" She sighed. "You know that information is sacred. You never asked this before. Why do you want to know?"
"Curiosity" Vladimir murmured. He began to turn away from her and before he had taken a step, a familiar pain stabbed him in the back of his knees. He fell to the floor and snarled. Isabel was now over him, her lips at his ear.
"Take this seriously Vladimir." She said low and stern, but then continued "I could have chosen any other guardian. But guess what? I chose my little brother. So don't screw it up." She said, her last words coming slow, which only made Vladimir angrier.
The pain in Vladimir's knees started to fade. He smiled a small sinister smile and abruptly, shook her off with a force that sent her flying across the room and smashing into the far left wall with a loud bang. She then began to laugh while she stood to her feet. "Oh Vladimir" She choked out between laughs. She continued this for another minute but then her face was serious.
"Like I said don't screw this up." Her hands turned into fists, knuckles white. She slowly started to where he was standing. "What I mean about screwing up is well basically what you managed to do in the past. Letting the mortal die or falling in love with her, and then letting her die." Vladimir grimaced. "So again, don't…screw….it……up. Or I'll rip your wings out again myself."
Okay so the moment of truth...give me your H O N E S T opinions. Please.
Thank you. -Hope.
I'm 13 and was going to make this book. I was going to name it the Guardian? Sound good? idk so please tell me what you think and I am open to changes.
Well scratch out Vladimir and put in Alexander (Alec maybe for short?) Idk yet but what else should I change or maybe plot suggestions?
Oh and they are both angels but Vladimir (Alexander or Alec) is fallen. But he did something in the past..(can't tell what It would ruin) that made him get his wings back and turn into a guardian. His sister, isabel, is not fallen but the angel of birth and death. She assigns the guardians to people who have short lives. Make sense now? ahahaha :D
Posted by Lily
Whoa! That was AWESOME!!!!! I would so read that book! So AWESOME!!!! No joke!!!!!!!
Posted by jokemaestro
Mainly just skimmed threw it, looks decent, i like your setting and how it aint in the modern times, one thing i would change is Vladimir's name. To me, Stephen( not pronounced Steven) and Vladimir are like the biggest roman names from europe. I think of europe, i see those 2 names lol, idk. If it was me, i'd google see what various names i could find to use instead of that name. It's like calling an american boy : Bob. Its just plain and kinda boring. And a bit too predictable. good story tho. ;)
Posted by Gillian :o)(o: Annie
i think this is reeeaaaallly good. give me like...more of the book. this is the kind of book type that i like, kind of making everything seem just normal, and then, BAM! What the hell are these people? Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Don't be so insecure about yourself, if you are. Some people will never like your stories, and you need to realize that and not let them do that (make you feel bad and stop writing.) I'm your age, and yes, keep it the way you want it! And name it "The Guardian". Or something like that. Or maybe "My Secret Protector"? And have it in first person as the girl? And this part be the prologue?
AS I said before (or did i?) use your own ideas. You can use my suggestion if you want, or you can do whatever the f'ing hell you wanna. Go damn straight on ahead (ha ha ha i normally don't cuss so much).
Anyways, good luck. Keep your hope (and skill) up! :o)(o:
Posted by WolfLea
Sounds alot like Hush Hush.
Orignal From: Is this good or at-least okay?
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