A part of my book im writing?Just let me know what you think. Oh and dont copy because i have it backed up and i already sent it to my publisher so if you take it i will sue you for all the profits of the book. i dont think i can copy and paste all i wrote so far but here it is. i wrote it in like 4 minutes.
Chap 1, Rob's house: Harry jabbed the needle into his arm. His red thumb pressed down on the handle. The warm liquid seeped into his once blue vein. His vein pulsed out of his skin like an old woman waiting to welcome any visitors. He threw the needle down on the brown coffee table. His muscles loosened and his spine popped as he leaned back on the comfortable old green couch. He was suddenly very thirsty and took a swig from his aquafina water bottle. A few drops trickled down his stubby, unshaven chin. His tongue licked at the drops, taking in the cool moisture. Next to him, Drew was getting his arm prepped, twisting the yellow cable wire around his arm. From the stereo came the soft tone of Jefferson's airplane "Somebody to love". It pleased Harry's ears and he had not a care in the world. Harry spoke in his cracked, not very deep voice "What the fuck are we doing man?" Rob looked towards him in a queer way. "Were passin time man." Tommy laughed maniacal. Harry looked at his watch, 5:12. "Oh crap, I have to go guys." He shuffled over the knees. His vision was blurred. It seemed as if a million blockade of knees rose up to meet him. He fell over Robs legs and hit his nose. The hot blood covered his mouth and a little cold sore on his upper lip. He didn't even care, and he drifted into his nice dream.
Chap 2, DREAM: Harry arose in a sandy desert. He stood up and blinked his eyes. Harry saw a mirror a few feet away from him. He skipped up to it. He took a long look into it. How he hated his whole body. His messy brown hair covered his red beat ears. His skinny awkward figure did not excite the girls at his school
Posted by Morgaine
If you ask people to do you a favor by giving their opinion, it does not help to threaten them.
Posted by Fifteen steps, then a sheer drop
Try to vary your sentence structure more. Also, PROOFREAD.
Posted by Blinded Reaper
Well id say its OK for now... depends on the whole book if you ask me. It's not trash, but it aint golden either
Posted by Hmmmm...
It's really good... Let me know when you're done.
Posted by pinky_tuddle
I like it and would most likely read it when you're done.
Orignal From: A part of my book im writing?
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